it's already august!! the last time i posted here was a month ago--well, technically since it was last july 30th. so many things happened to me last week. some were almost near death.
yup, part of that was the installation of my broadband service. it's a connection to the whole wide world but my PC is acting ever so slowly.. i could not even log-in to this site for whatever reason that baffles me. it could also be somehow a good side, since there are some posts here that is very personal to me, that i don't want darwin to know. this blog is very me...
my last post was monday, and that was when my tummy started churning. i thought it was only a simple case of bad gas. but when i got home that's when my tummy acted really, really bad..it made matter worst when i started taking out shit like every 30 minutes! A BIG UGH i would agree. then it became downright scary when there were some traces of blood on my shit. and i was all alone by myself 'cuz darwin could not take a leave. i texted my mom, and she was sick worried that she even wanted to go to our place just to take care of me in the middle of the night. acting the brave part, i prentended that i was fine, and that there was nothing serious going on. of course i don't want them to worry. so i was all ALONE and i have to take care of myself. i really felt pathetic. and helpless.. darwin's sister was also hit by the ailment. i was ready to check myself into a hospital but i was damn scared as well. never been to that place. and i planned on not going there. i dunno, the thought of that white sterile place just seemed eery, and spooky to me.. deathly even.
by wednesday, i fin'ly decided to consult a doctor. and i was diagnosed of having ameobiasis. the cost of the med killed me, thank god for my ever reliable friends namely visa and mastercard. but what killed me more was that there were so many foods that i was not allowed to eat. yep, even milk. or yogurt. or chocolate. my bed was the best place in the world all those times. every inch of my body felt so weak. like every limb was disconnected. i was a living spaghetti.
the best part of that week was friday when i was called and informed that my loan was approved. ok not really good since it's debt again. but that was the help we're needing to settle and close 3 of our credit cards. we just have a handful of them that keeping them all is such a big pain in the neck. almost half of our salary just go to credit card payments.
so by saturday we went to the bank to pay off the balances of our three cards. and reyn also invited us to mega to meet someone. darwin and i also have our massage and it was really so soothing and refreshing. i got this salt scrub package that included an hour whole body massage! after that i was sooo light and my skin felt so supple. and i feel so sexy. and i wanted to for us to make love. but fuck, i was still sick so it could not be.
i thought everything was alright but when we got home there were just uncontrollable factors that made us argue. same undying reasons, his family and his evil step-brother. it really pisses me off everytime he will defend that kid. i am not a wicked partner, i don't really loathe the kid for all he's worth. i just don't like his attitude for money. and most importantly i hate his mother! ok i maybe harsh for the hating them. alright i just downright dislike ONLY the mother.
then last sunday i passed by the church to say a little prayer of thanks for surviving that whole shitty ordeal. what scared me was that in my little solemn prayer, i suddenly blurted out "i think i am falling out of love with darwin..." i was in a church so forgive me if i was lying. but that was the only time that i could never be much more true.. maybe the thought was brought out due to the fact that we have had an argument the night before. sometimes i admit our relationship is fast becoming more routinary. one moment we have this heated argument, and the next we will make out like there's no tomorrow, and we'll end sharing one intense passion. part of the relationship and all that as they say. mainly what makes me drawn out of him sometime is his family. tis a whole lotta complications goin' on there, that figuring it out tires me. and i know deep down inside that they are is utmost priority. so when things, say got worst between us, i know without any doubt that i will be left in the dirt...
this is something that competing won't do any good. i have learned all of that in the course of our near 6-yr relationship.. i made my choice before when i made him my priority over my family. i cannot turn back time. though i sometime wish i could. he has his prioirity, and i have grown and accept that. this is what makes our relationship much more complicated than any not-so-normal third sex relationship. and somehow, it makes me understand myself more.. makes me see my capabilities when it comes to handling a relationship even more.
all's been said and done for now. i was able to go back to work yesterday. there's an incessant downpour going on the metro due to some tropical depression thingy. it's raining men, and floods are everywhere..and i got a taste of that this morning when i came barging into the flooded streets of paco 'cuz i don't have any other choice..
i missed my daily quiz-galore:
PERSONALITY PROFILE
| Your Personality Profile |
 You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.
You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming! |
...::and the saying goes:...
Be yourself. No one can ever tell you you're doing it wrong. -James Leo Herlihy
