i've heard somewhere that genes is something that is inherited from our parents, or from past generations of the family. good genes, bad genes, watchamacallit, it's a thing that is somehow inevitable. take for example my height. bad genes. i mean my folks are not tall so i followed in their footsteps. then my patience, which i know i got from my mom. sucks sometimes though this is a good side of me that i often hate as well. another bad genes my being so-light sleeper. sometimes i can even sustain 2 days without any sleep!!! which is a very, very bad genes i got from my dad..
since i started to become independent, sleep is something i am very deprived of. i can survive a day with as much as only 3-4 hrs of sleep. sometimes even 2 hrs!! i recall when i was in high school my dad, as a taxi driver, could survive days without sleep. with caffeine and cigarette as his best allies, not to mention, night-long gambling, the man could even drive around town to run an errand. now, a not-so proud heir of this behavior i really found my sleepless habit very, very irritating.
certain factors are affecting this sleep-thingy issue i am having, according to studies as i have searched the net. i know in myself that there are certain situations in my life right now that can attribute to this. i made a list as stated below...
- i worry too much - way too much even. i'm this type that i take things too seriously.. when some things bother me, i take it to bed. i just lay there, pretending to be asleep but my mind and my whole being is widely awake. people say that if you will your mind to think of any other thoughts aside from the matter you're so worrying about, you wouldn't think of the matter at hand at all. well, guess what? for me it seldom works. looks like my mind has a mind of its own. damn, the more i "force" my mind not to think of something, the more it keeps on crawling to my subconscious.
- insecurities - this has been an on going issue with my self for as long as my adult mind can recall. my height, acceptance is what i think the best solution for this. then my teeth, ortho i know...soon... my body built. diet, exercise and all that they say. but guess it's so easy to just splurge, binge, and just lie down and sleep, and wallow in the fact that i am big fat loser. i mean i am not the obese-type-fat fat, get the picture? i have excess baggage here and there, yeah.. the only exercise (if it can be considered) is sex. hahaha!!
- bills, bills, bills - this is something that even destiny's child can relate with. telephone bills, credit card bills, loans, water bills, electricity bills... did i mention CREDIT CARDS BILLS? yes, and a lot at that. when i first started working, plastic power is something that i was very much dreaming, craving, and coveting. now i am starting to wish that i can go back in time wherein cash payment is a necessity i can afford. our cards are not all maxed out but almost half of our monthly salary goes down to visa and mastercard. well, to think about it, if it weren't for our cards, we wouldn't be able to go places we've been to. and of course we wouldn't be able to afford some luxuries in life. i think it all boils down to using plastic power less. and lesser... swipe and be wiped out...
- in laws - need to say more? i rest my case. there are some things that no matter how hard we try to change, our efforts are just not worth it. for years now, i spent my mental energy wanting them to change and to simply appreciate all the hard work darwin and i did for the family. but there are just some people who seems not to be contented in what other people can give. i may sound and look ungrateful to them, which takes a toll in me because i try hard to please everybody though i look plastic and untrue to them and to myself. i just think i really have to rest this case.. no more mental stress...
- work - it's a proven fact that call center job is sooo stressing. take customers venting, and cursing the hell out, shouting... what have you got? palm slamming on the desk. cursing as well while customer is on-hold and muted. i have been in this business for 5 yrs now, but more often than not i still could not get the heck of how to cope with it. add to the fact that i wanted to grow with the company, but certain factors hinders me. politics, unfair opportunities, kiss-ass colleauges.... if it weren't for the fact that i'm being paid well, iw ould have dragged my ass outta here. then again, i am an undergrad, so that leaves me no choice as well. having a job means you need to cope with stress as well..
- health - prevailing factor of my sleeplessness. i have this notion most of the time that my body is deteriorating. i get to bed thinking if i will still be able to wake up after a couple of hours. well if you think about it, perhaps the reason why i am so sickly is due to the fact that i am not getting enough rest and sleep. science says that when we sleep our body regenerates and rejuvenates. how i wish to be able to feel so refresh whenever i wake up. the last time i was able to sleep for full 8 hrs i guess was when i was a toddler. or perhaps when i was still a baby drinking milk in a feeding bottle..
i made this list which was also suggested by someone who calls herself a sleep therapist. she suggested that in order to get a good night sleep,we need to clear our head and free our minds with unwanted thoughts. i made this blog last night, i just was not able to finish it. i got this suggestion from the sleep therapist's den to do some breathing techniques which i applied today and it somehow helped. with this issue going on, i think that three solutions to my problem are the ff: LOVE MYSELF MORE, BE CONTENT, and BE A LITTLE BIT SELFISH.
...::and the saying goes::...
"Stop worrying about tomorrow, sufficient for today has its own worries..."
