the BIG DROP

ever had that feeling that you wanted something but whatever forces out there deny you that faith? that something which you have been working hard for... working your ass effing hard for, but someone got it? that crappy feeling that you have been imagining--make it even DAYDREAMING--that something to be within your grasp but suddenly it will be brutally taken away from you? that fucking feeling is what i feel right now!!!
ok, i'm a bit exaggerating... but i am really disappointed and i feel so demoralized. maybe my fault in this picture is that i have been too confident (that's a first for me), and i expected too much... but i could not help it. because i have been working my ass off to get some good points on my QA. but i guess that WAS NOT FREAKING ENOUGH! that spot was something i have been coveting since i transferred in ibm. and i have been very vocal about it.
this was the second time that i was not good enough to get that position. i know i'm good at QA but my confident self did not think that there was someone better. or is she? i know i sounded like a big, grouchy, old, bitter AMPALAYA, but who wouldn't? i mean out of the 4 of us who applied, my sistah Don was my biggest foe and it would have been a lot easier to admit defeat if he was the one chosen for the ijp. but, heck, they gave it to a newbie--a latter wave to be exact..
i don't want to be plastic, i will show them QAs my disappointment... ok, maybe i will be more civilized. despite the fact that my ego is sooo flattened at this point. it just the 7th day of '09 and i already feel low.
time to start re-evaluating my loyalty to the company...