parting

change is the only constant thing in this universe. part of life's process that is inevitable. thing's change for good or bad. people come and go. holding on and letting go...
at the start of the year, a good friend, apple, left the company. that was a change we were all expecting. as i predicted before this '08 will include some changes and movements here at work. now there's pau...
it won't take a rocket scientist or nostradamus to see her moving out as well. i mean she's apple's partner. so sooner or later she will be resigning as well. i was just so shocked that she announced the inevitable soonest. this was her email to us that really saddened me and the rest of the gang...

"JUST WANT TO TAKE SOME MINUTES OF YOUR PRECIOUS TIME
I WILL MISS YOU GUYS/GALS.. EFFECTIVE 03/27/08, I WILL NO LONGER WORK HERE. I HAVE SUBMITTED MY RESIGNATION LETTER...THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT, THE MEM’RIES AND THE TIME WE SPENT. WE SHARED, LAUGHED AND CRIED. GOOD OR BAD. THANKS TO YOU I HAVE STAYED IN
THIS COMPANY FOR MORE THAN 2 YRS. I NEED TO LEAVE BECAUSE I
NEED TO FOCUS ON MY REAL GOAL, TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING IN
MY LIFE. I’LL BE WORKING IN AN ARCHITECTURAL FIRM AND HOPEFULLY WILL STAY IN THIS INDUSTRY. THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, IT’S WORTH REMEMBERING THANKS FOR THE PRESENCE, FOR JUST BEING THERE
WHEN I NEED ASSISTANCE, SUPPORT AND ADVICE. WHEN I NEED
A FRIEND TO CRY ON, TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS/IDEAS YOU ARE ALWAYS
THERE...SOON I’LL BE FACING CHALLENGES AND I HOPE THIS WILL PASS
(WITH MY NEW JOB, I GUESS) AND I’M SURE THAT I’LL MISS YOU, ALL OF
YOU.."

and this nearly made me cry. pau is my wavemate here. we're closer than don. we've seen each other cry, laugh, grow, do some bitchy and crazy stuffs, and now this. yep, i have plans of resigning myself but not this soon. i just felt that a part of me was taken by pau's leaving. she's one of the reasons why i am still here in IBM. as what kalay said, life here is becoming very routinary, which is fast becoming puke-worth... sickening even. well that's how call center life is i guess... my superfriends here are a few good fellas that somehow alleviate this routinary life. there are some things in life that you desperately wanna let go but so afraid to do so because it is becoming so comfy that you become part of it. change is a word that terrifies us. especially me, all my life i have been so afraid to throw cushions in the wind. mainly because there are people--loved ones--who depend on me. it sucks almost all the time. but i guess better be the dependable one than a wasted bum. when i think about it, it all boils down to how far you're willing to go to make sacrifices.
to pau, wherever you will go, i --we-- will always be here for you. to thumbelina, the future architect who will help me interior decorate my house, carpe diem! sieze the day! i will surely miss you, l'il girl...

sleeplessness

i've heard somewhere that genes is something that is inherited from our parents, or from past generations of the family. good genes, bad genes, watchamacallit, it's a thing that is somehow inevitable. take for example my height. bad genes. i mean my folks are not tall so i followed in their footsteps. then my patience, which i know i got from my mom. sucks sometimes though this is a good side of me that i often hate as well. another bad genes my being so-light sleeper. sometimes i can even sustain 2 days without any sleep!!! which is a very, very bad genes i got from my dad..
since i started to become independent, sleep is something i am very deprived of. i can survive a day with as much as only 3-4 hrs of sleep. sometimes even 2 hrs!! i recall when i was in high school my dad, as a taxi driver, could survive days without sleep. with caffeine and cigarette as his best allies, not to mention, night-long gambling, the man could even drive around town to run an errand. now, a not-so proud heir of this behavior i really found my sleepless habit very, very irritating.
certain factors are affecting this sleep-thingy issue i am having, according to studies as i have searched the net. i know in myself that there are certain situations in my life right now that can attribute to this. i made a list as stated below...

• i worry too much - way too much even. i'm this type that i take things too seriously.. when some things bother me, i take it to bed. i just lay there, pretending to be asleep but my mind and my whole being is widely awake. people say that if you will your mind to think of any other thoughts aside from the matter you're so worrying about, you wouldn't think of the matter at hand at all. well, guess what? for me it seldom works. looks like my mind has a mind of its own. damn, the more i "force" my mind not to think of something, the more it keeps on crawling to my subconscious.
• insecurities - this has been an on going issue with my self for as long as my adult mind can recall. my height, acceptance is what i think the best solution for this. then my teeth, ortho i know...soon... my body built. diet, exercise and all that they say. but guess it's so easy to just splurge, binge, and just lie down and sleep, and wallow in the fact that i am big fat loser. i mean i am not the obese-type-fat fat, get the picture? i have excess baggage here and there, yeah.. the only exercise (if it can be considered) is sex. hahaha!!
• bills, bills, bills - this is something that even destiny's child can relate with. telephone bills, credit card bills, loans, water bills, electricity bills... did i mention CREDIT CARDS BILLS? yes, and a lot at that. when i first started working, plastic power is something that i was very much dreaming, craving, and coveting. now i am starting to wish that i can go back in time wherein cash payment is a necessity i can afford. our cards are not all maxed out but almost half of our monthly salary goes down to visa and mastercard. well, to think about it, if it weren't for our cards, we wouldn't be able to go places we've been to. and of course we wouldn't be able to afford some luxuries in life. i think it all boils down to using plastic power less. and lesser... swipe and be wiped out...
• in laws - need to say more? i rest my case. there are some things that no matter how hard we try to change, our efforts are just not worth it. for years now, i spent my mental energy wanting them to change and to simply appreciate all the hard work darwin and i did for the family. but there are just some people who seems not to be contented in what other people can give. i may sound and look ungrateful to them, which takes a toll in me because i try hard to please everybody though i look plastic and untrue to them and to myself. i just think i really have to rest this case.. no more mental stress...
• work - it's a proven fact that call center job is sooo stressing. take customers venting, and cursing the hell out, shouting... what have you got? palm slamming on the desk. cursing as well while customer is on-hold and muted. i have been in this business for 5 yrs now, but more often than not i still could not get the heck of how to cope with it. add to the fact that i wanted to grow with the company, but certain factors hinders me. politics, unfair opportunities, kiss-ass colleauges.... if it weren't for the fact that i'm being paid well, iw ould have dragged my ass outta here. then again, i am an undergrad, so that leaves me no choice as well. having a job means you need to cope with stress as well..
• health - prevailing factor of my sleeplessness. i have this notion most of the time that my body is deteriorating. i get to bed thinking if i will still be able to wake up after a couple of hours. well if you think about it, perhaps the reason why i am so sickly is due to the fact that i am not getting enough rest and sleep. science says that when we sleep our body regenerates and rejuvenates. how i wish to be able to feel so refresh whenever i wake up. the last time i was able to sleep for full 8 hrs i guess was when i was a toddler. or perhaps when i was still a baby drinking milk in a feeding bottle..

i made this list which was also suggested by someone who calls herself a sleep therapist. she suggested that in order to get a good night sleep,we need to clear our head and free our minds with unwanted thoughts. i made this blog last night, i just was not able to finish it. i got this suggestion from the sleep therapist's den to do some breathing techniques which i applied today and it somehow helped. with this issue going on, i think that three solutions to my problem are the ff: LOVE MYSELF MORE, BE CONTENT, and BE A LITTLE BIT SELFISH.

...::and the saying goes::...

"Stop worrying about tomorrow, sufficient for today has its own worries..."

GLORIA

this is in consideration of the recently held rally here in ayala ave. really annoys me, those people orchestrating this caucus for the same apparent reasons. they're singing the same songs which now becomes so damn irritating! not to mention that it's causing so much inconvenience to the metro by congesting the streets! especially here in the business district.
so in light of this, i know that if i am the present president of the republic, i will not step down...way one or another. i will bet my ass on that...
us superfriends, came up with the idea on things that we--i, well i was the one who came up with the idea (amen to that...)--would have done if i were the president of the country amidst an on going rally.

1. shopping spree at glorietta... better yet greenbelt 4.. or GB5!
2. fly on a chopper and spread 100-peso bill like a confetti... balato for the "kickbacks" my family allegedly got from the ZTE deal
3. have a relaxing spa at the mandalay spa of mandarin oriental or the thai spa in shangrila (dunno the name, though), or at the spa
4. get a new hair cut and get my nail done.
5. play golf at manila golf club.
6. stroll in serendra
7. dine al-fresco in greenbelt
8. fly away to china with abalos and the gang.. perhaps go to macau or HK for a night. and have a shopping spree as well.
9. announced on national TV that i am not stepping down with all smile.

and the bomb of it all..
10. tell the filipino people that there will be a FREE concert of the DIVAS...mariah, madonna, whitney, celine, and of course BEYONCè...with the spice girl at the fort open field. hahaha!!!! :))

so there goes my being a political revolutionist... i'm neutral, believe me. i'm not into that whole nine yards of politics.. the whole hulaballo (did i spell it right??) of people-gov't relationship...
i just want those people rallying to get a life... politics is a very dirty and messy game. only pigs dwell in the mud, and enjoy playing in the dirt...

LOVE

"Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but NOT the
essence..."

--Vincent Van Goh

for me, this has got to be the most fitting words that could describe what love
really is. i am currently reading this novel entitled orosa-nakpil-malate and i so find the story very profound. it actually speaks of love in a different aspect, in the setting of the wild, crude world of gaylandia. i haven't done the book yet but i can feel every emotion pouring from it. it makes me cry, laugh, giggle, and makes me see the world of pink and a brighter color. though i envy the main character for all the escapades he went thru in that little strip of the metro.

drifting

got my certification last 02/01 from my doc friend, mitch, and i was confirmed to be fit to work.
i will have to continue this, i'm damn so sleepy right now. gotta take a power nap.

mid-week mayhem

what's new? i'm cured... hahaha!!! how i so damn wish... my supervisor asked me last night that i need to get certification if i'm really fit to work or not. i know he's just concern about the well-being of my fellow reps here, but i can't help feeling that i am being typed as some sort of a plague. yeah, what i have is something contagious, and as stubborn as i am, i know that i should be resting. recupperating even. though my doctor suggested that i don't need to be confined doesn't mean that i'm free to mingle with the healthy and living. after all i am a walking cornocupia of ailments... there goes my self-esteem down the drain. :(

i just need to get some things fixed first before i go hiatus at work again, perhaps for another wk or 2. like my bills piling up. need to ask CnB as well if i can somewhat advance my SL. or file another SL claims fr SS. money is of importance right now that's why i just can't decide on going on leave when there will be payables coming...
and darwin is sleeping on the other side of the bed...

i updated my blog. added some nipty-grifty feature. there was this song on my player by SAVAGE GARDEN that really got on my nerve when i was listening to it. in my present situation this is what i really wanna be, and wanted to do...

"i want to live like animal... careless and free... i wanto run to the
jungle go waving my hand and stand at my feet..."

...::and the saying goes::...

"it's fun being a strong person. you feel invincible; like you can face everything that comes your way...but what sucks being one it's when people know that you're strong and they think it's ok to hurt you..."

resurrrected

i was stagnant from posting for quite some time now. last post was october 2nd! whoa!!! so many things have happened since then. where do i start?? let's see... i'm back in sickville. too depressing..
november we went to palawan.. it was the most fascinating and adventurous vacation ever! will attach some pix soon.. imagine we travelled for about 16 hrs on the bus! there were some part of the trip where the bus almost trip over..not to mention the same route on the way back to city (puerto prinsesa; we went to el nido) we walked for more or less 2 kms with deep-knee mud all around us. it was like one of those survivor episode!! but it was so much fun. of course it's palawan, so it is a given fact that the place was endowned with nature's most fascinating landscapes and views. there were 11 of us so just imagine how rowdy and hilarious and noisy we were..
then december..of course, xmas season.. our oh-so-lame team bldg in fontana.. holidays what-have-you's.. tina's bday... our 6th anniversary last dec.28th. we have treated our friends for a thank-you dinner as our appreciation for all the love and support they have given to us. we never would have survived this yr if it weren't for them. the time i was hospitalized was the pit stop of it all..
so in a nutshell, i would have to say i had a very emotional, tumultuous and life-turning 2007!!!

now onto '08, as i said, i'm back in sickville. as a starter month i can say that this yr will all about change. darwin had his first nude pictorial. it was very artistic. not a bit erotic or pornographic. it was so cool. i was actually there when the pictures were taken. will let you see some once i am able to upload. then there's apple case. it was just so sad how a trivial office politics can really ruin and change once life. she was a victim of a mere power-tripping here. for god's sake we're working in IBM but the ppl act like we are in some lousy, run-down, gov't office. it's just sickening--suffocating even! if it werent't for the fact that the schedule is fixed and i have weekends off, i would have dragged my ass outta here a long time ago. ok, my pay doesn't hurt.
what keeps me--us, superfriends--going is each other. we have a new member by the name of RD (Ardie Espiritu--my crush before.. with emphasis on PAST.. hehehe..)

now this sickville thingy... if my hospitalization was not enough last yr, i have hepa a--diagnosed and tested. though i want to get a second opinion. i just have my doubts with the doctor who treated me. like what terry hatcher felt with her doc fr despearate housewives.. hehehe..
i have my taste of life's irony, now another blow... i just don't know how long i'll be able to take anymore of this. i know my friends were really trying their best to cheer me up that what i've got is cureable.. something that i should be positive about. then again, having been confined for 2 wks way back then, i can't help feeling helpless and, well, for the lack of words, SICK.
and what i have now is something even more pressing. if this is the other end of what they call karma, englighten me for what i have done in the past that made me deserve the bad side of luck. honestly, when i found out i have this disease, i almost felt my world crumbling, stumbling into pieces. been into this situation at one point of my life.. this time will i be able to say done that?

...::and the saying goes::...

"the irony of my life: i am a nosiy person, but when it comes to my
feelings, i become so damn quite.."