monday flashback

mostly for the weekend, darwin and i just stayed home. except for sunday night 'cuz i needed to have my hair cut..we bought a dvd, piolo pascual collection..there was one movie entitled "DON'T GIVE UP ON US.." that i really could relate to. not about the 4th of july fiasco, but more with what happened to me and darwin. technically before we became a couple, we were like best friends since 1st yr high. then on the night of dec 28th, the "thing" happened. i was so shocked that time that i was avoiding him like the plague. and i intended actually to go father away from him. i planned never to let the "thing" happened again. in short, it was mainly a one-nighter. something that opened up a whole lotta meaning in me. but it was so hard. i was physically drawn to him at that time. for the fact that i feel not secure about myself, and he was a refuge that made me feel better.. then it dragged on for months. we mainly were just plainly having sex. physical relationship.. until the thing called love came butting in, messing the whole picture. as what our theme songs says, "it came over me in a rush, when i realize that i love you so much.." it was really so rush that it both scared and overwhelmed me. and him as well..so in our picture, i was more the piolo and he was played more of the juday part. i fall really hard, and he avoided me for a while afraid to return the feeling as well.

my heart really went out to piolo on that film 'cuz he was so brave to voice out his feeling to her, but to be immediately dumped because the other party was so afraid to give in as well..

i will have to continue this, my tummy is churning yet again.. :(

reminiscing

last friday, we went to a movie with some high school friends. it was actually a treat which made the gimmick even better. it was some horror flick about some vengeful, restless spirits, grudges and moving on in the spiritual plane. it was not that scary. very common theme. more on the screaming factors, and the fact that you were with friends, just to scare each other..
then after the movie, the real fun started. reyn, a high school friend brought his car, so after glorietta, he just drove around and we headed to the fort. but due to limited budget, no salary credit yet for most of us 'cuz it was only the 27th, we tried finding other place. we cruised c5, then went to metrowalk, but it started raining so we did not get out of the car, and we headed to libis. the rain was still so insesant so reyn just kept on driving. it was actually so liberating! cruising around town in the dead of the night, radio was just playing soft music amidst the heavy downpour while we continued laughing and reminiscing, remembering the good ol' high school days.. and we ended up in wendy's near timog. along quezon ave. we just had some iced tea and frosty. . we took it out, and just consumed in the car. the air was so cool and crisp. the perfect backdrop for looking back and planning ahead..
we went home around 3am, feeling lightheaded not from sleepyness but from driving down memory lane.

as for my daily quiz:

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life. But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it.Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career.Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howhappyareyoureallyquiz/">How Happy Are You, Really?

...::and the saying goes::...
"Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine." -Buddha

fave song

i was browsing thru the web, and i happen to stumble upon this song. it is something that really makes me inspired and strong. the song is by none other than mariah carey, entitled can't take that away... and it has a downloadable link that i can save right her in my blog.

Mariah Carey - the...

as for my daily quiz, since this is about soul-searching, i got this:

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

no "as the saying goes" for today since my post says it all... :)

sleepless wednesday

where will i start? this is mostly a lousy day. i was not able to go to the gym (which lately happens a lot--again the schedule i have set was not being religiously followed), i was not able to get a full good sleep (had to wake up every now and then), then darwin could not sleep so turned out i woke up early, around 330pm. believe me, my head is aching right now.
and to make things worst, i was late. the reason was not because i left the house late. i went to glorietta so me and kalay will have some food for tonight's shift. it did not cross my mind that the loading/unloading zone would still be in effect, since it was already past 7pm. as a result, i walked from glorietta 3 to makati atrium!! and i was so sweaty! and smelly! and panting! and RUNNING late!! major argh!!!
this morning, btw, hsbc sent me my credit report, and i got an A+. so they were offering me a special loan for being a good customer. heck, just another marketing churva to bury me deep into more debts! :) anyway, i may take advantage of that 'cuz we really need to close at 3-4 cards.
here at work, calls are kinda many. so far i had 12, which is somewhat Q-ing. i'm saving some energy for i have to go to the gym later. i have to, make that NEED to! even if i have to drag my fat ass there.. hahaha!!!

**quiz whiz:
--just to lighten things up, i came across this name-thingy quiz....
MEGANAME

GELMARK MACEDA GEROLA's Aliases

Your movie star name: PIZZA CONSTANTINO Your fashion designer name is GELMARK MILAN Your socialite name is IMACK IBIZA Your fly girl / guy name is G GER Your detective name is DOG ROXAS Your barfly name is COOKIES VODKA Your soap opera name is MACEDA GOMEZ Your rock star name is KISSES TORNADO Your Star Wars name is GELoco GERfra Your punk rock band name is The SLEEPY DUST PAN

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/meganamegenerator/">The Amazing Meganame Generator

...::and the saying goes::....
"the only people that you need in your life are the ones who prove that they you in theirs..."

moved

i was just sooo out of sort yesterday that i was not able to post something. the moving of station really pissed me off because someone stole my CPU!! i mean all of my important files are there! Big ARGGGGHHHH!!!! i was mainly answering some survey thingy from blogthings.com
i was also feeling disoriented yesterday. so many scattered thoughts that kept on lingering. first there was this blood thingy on my behind after our post-love making session. darwin was just so into me during the sacking session that i did not feel the pain as well. just come to think of the passion and love going on in there. but i felt the pain when i was discharging.. second, i did not CUM during our love making. crazy as it sounded, he came first and that's it. he did not even bother helping me. it was wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am moment. which really irked me. it happend not only once but a couple of times now. there may be something wrong with my sex drive, but the moment that he will CUM, more often than not, he will just leaveme hanging there to finish the deed myself. better for me to jack off, do it all by myself. the issue here is just not sex. it's about satisfying your partner. love is something good if shared better. i know i just felt somewhat left hanging and i kinda blow it big---out of proportions. but i know that what i'm feeling last night was also valid. anyway he already apologized. his text went like this:

i'm sorry, baby, if i'm hurting you physically and emotionally. did not mean to do it always..next time i'll be careful. i love you!

...::and the saying goes::....
"measuring life what others do to us may disappoint us. but measuring life what we do for others will add more meaning to our life.."

and for my daily quiz:
HOW STRESSED R U?

Your Stress Level is: 67%

You are prone to stress, and you're probably even pretty stressed right now. Life's problems seem to pile up on you, and this often makes you feel depressed and burned out. Learn to take time to relax and enjoy life, even if things are stressful. It's the only wa you'll get through the bad times.

How Stressed Are You?

My Life Rating

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn't totally scandalous, but you definitely don't shy away from adult themes!

What is Your Life Rated?

monsterized!!

Your Monster Profile

Creepy Child You Feast On: Starbucks You Lurk Around In: The Empire State Building You Especially Like to Torment: Blondes

What's Your Monster Name?

a cup of coffee

White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino

One of a kind and forward looking, you're the first to introduce a wacky new trend to your friends. And even if your ideas seem weird, they get adopted pretty quickly.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatflavorfrappuccinoareyouquiz/">What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

**since we do coffee talk every weekend to catch up with our lives in the office, our personal relationships, our two cents, and men-oh-men, so this is a very approriate quiz.. hehe.. suddenly i crave for an iced white choco mocha!! yummy.. the next big thing to caramel macchiato!!

Quizzes Galore...

i so envy you...

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 80% Sloth: 80% Greed: 60% Lust: 40% Pride: 40% Wrath: 20% Gluttony: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 46% You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.

How Sinful Are You?

actually my good friend calay was the one who uploaded the last 2 quizzes here in my blog. i have been very busy finding my lost CPU, that i am still kinda pissed. it's mid-shift already but the thought that i have to set up again, really threw me off. i will just update my blog tomorrow. i have this very upsetting thought right now with what's going on with my relationship. not really in the mood to write right now..very weak, and not feeling too good. sorry...
**this has been edited because the first time i took a test, there was no LUST in my being which is very, very unbelievable. even i, myself could not believe that!! LOL...

"this is it!!"

this morning would go down in history as one of the most nerve-wracking ever. wonder why? we had this draw lots of who would be transferred to other dep't. specifically CONREL or consumer relations. a not-so-good place. i mean compared to being a b2b agent, if i were the one who was picked, i (and kalay) as well would not enjoy the benefits of free internet access. and blogging for that matter. there were three (3) from us and two (2) from SC (another dep't with so much time to kill as well)... so as the names were announced, i swear i nearly had a heart attack. me and kalay were praying so hard. i was crossing every fingers imaginable. then the names were drawn, and that was the only time that i could breathe normally.
i am fully aware of the consequences if it were me who was picked. high volume of calls, irate customers, complicated cases, and irate and infuriated me. so i don't wanna be a hypocrite if i won't admit that i am happy i was not chosen. with the dep't i'm in right now none of those excruciating factors i would have to endure. plus the benefit of a great and groovy seatmate makes it even likeable..
as for other things, me and darwin went to work together 'cuz he swapped schedule. lrt was really bad, it made me rush. i was almost late for work. an incident really irked me while we were in the train. he has this habit of looking for things just when we have already left home. very irritating really 'cuz he will--if not most of the time--blame me if he can't find it. i mean it is a given fact that we're not the only people in the house. but he will always points his finger to me. even saying that i always blame the people in the house for lost things as well. can't blame myself even more because it is also a very known issue that he's siblings is always nosing his nose into our things. WHICH I REALLY HATE!! ever heard of privacy? the half-kid is only 9 yr old but i swear the mom could not discipline the li'l he-devil! makes me furious everytime darwin will defend the kid. i dunno, my blood just boil every instance he crossed my path.
anyway, weekend is up, and i don't intend to have some negative vibes consume me. later will have coffee talk again with the gang..catching up with love, life, lust (hehehe..Ü) and gen'rally our men...

Im a PornStar...

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Larry Loverod

What's Your Porn Star Name?

text twist

there's nothing much going on in my life right now. really.. just some text messages that i have come across this day that somehow makes some sense.

**7 TRUTHS TO REMEMBER
1. faith is the ability not to panic
2. if you worry, you didn't pray; if you pray, don't worry
3. God wants spiritual truths, not some religious nuts
4. LAUGH EVERYDAY, it's like inner jogging
5. growing old is INEVITABLE, growing up is OPTIONAL
6. silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted
7. there is no key to happiness, the door is always open...
>>from SOC

Other people's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
Those who follow the crowd usually get lostin it. I don't know the key to
success, but one key to failure is to please everyone. So why waste your
time thinking of what others will tell you? >>from RACHEL

**THOUGHTS TO PONDER ON**

1. make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present
2. what other people thinkof you is none of your business
3. time heals almost everything
4. no one is in charge of ur own happiness except you
5. don't compare your life to others, you don't have any idea what their
   journey is all about. >>from JAZZ

with these 3 txts, i liked the growing up thingy. very much like darwin. he is just so childish most of the time that i know he don't wanna grow old. but he's childishness is not the annoying type. you will even love him for that. yet he's mature enough to acknowledge he's responsibility and obligations. and also the comparing life to others factor is more like mine. i know that satisfaction is something that only one's self can achieve. my issue is more like self-confidence. little things make me insecure sometimes, especially something that somehow is related to our relationship. but i know that there's nothing to be insecure now because he assured me that should he opt out of our relationship, it will be when the time that he will have his own family...

slazzzy...

wednesday again, two more days and it'll be the weekend baby, time to have some fun..same stuffs at the office. we're just waiting for the draw lots for the unfortunate agents that will be transferred to CONREL. it is the escalation group for consumer dep't, unlike the dep't i'm in right now, B2B (business to business). honestly, i am a little scared because i have never been good with that draw lots thingy. never been lucky on that. and i love the dep't i am in right now. no pressure. no stress. no irate and screaming customers!! but as the saying goes, it's business, nothing personal. i am really crossing all fingers that can be crossed that i will not draw the unlucky stick.
we have another party on august 5th. the announcement was just rolled out today. we may or may not go, come what may...
so far lazy, lazy night. calay is not in a groove mood tonight. her back is aching. i advised her to consult a doctor tomorrow.
speaking of lazy, i am becoming a bummer for gym again. this morning was supposed to be my schedule to gym. but my fat ass dragged me down to bed. so much for my effort these past few days to reduce weight and get rid of my fat tummy.
just listening to music right now, munching some crackers. calay is also busy with her blog.. it will be another long night.... =)

...::and the saying goes::...
"Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world in the eye. -Helen Keller"

when it rains it pours

if my memory serves me right, it was also a tuesday a couple of days back when i got so pissed because it rained so hard while i was en route to office. talk about heavy downpour. and just this night, the incesant rain came again.
compared to last time, i was still inside the house when the rain poured. so darwin did not allow me to battle torrential rain. i was only late by 1 hr and 10 mins, beat that! haha!! grrrrrr...
this time the rain won. i was already in the jeep when the angry rain came pouring down. silly me i did not bring any rain gear, none for that matter even an umbrella-ella-ella..good ol' rihanna singing in my head, mocking me...
i was already pissed at that point. and to think that i had to make three more connecting trips via jeep, unbearable! and the rain just kept on coming. heavy, angry, incesant.. on my third trip, things got a little better. make that brighter. i was seated right next to a very good looking guy. and the fact that he smelled good made it even better. i texted my gurl-friend about the good news. amidst my shitty situation, he somewhat put a smile on my face. too bad for me i was not able to get his name.. at least i was compensated for the bad weather.

and here's another dose of some lines i have come across...

...::and the saying goes::...
"it's hard to be good from time to time, but what's even harder is to be good every day.."

yet another week

it's been a lazy week so far. me and darwin just stayed home last weekend. excpet for last saturday's meet-up with mommy myra. oh, before i forget, the highlight of the weekend was last saturday's dinner at BELINIS (hope i got the spelling right).
it was an authentic italian resto in the outskirts of cubao. there's no other branch of this resto so people will really go to this place for a taste of the sumptuous foods. it was really worth the trip. located at the back of the then-famous CDO, the place was warm and cozy though. the owner was right there serving the guests, and doing the checking on your food and order. i guess he's mr. belini. the food was really super. i liked the seafood pesto. very mouthwatering. i mean just thinking of it right now, makes me crave for it all over again. there was also this spaghetti in in just garlic, olive oil and chili sauce that at first look seemed bland, but when you have a taste of it, it was somewhat very unique. light and garlic-ky. (laughs!) what we ordered was a pasta platter, four kinds of pasta. the white-chili sauce, the seafood pesto, rigattoni (penne pasta) with eggplant (which darwin thought was mushroom!!), and the green one with spinach which was also very delectable.
then there was the pizza... we had magailo something. italian sausage and ham. it was home made, the dough was freshly baked and made!! and the price was not that bad.. going there was really worth the money and the trip. we are planning to take our high school friends as well. for sure they're gonna love the place and the food!
for sunday, i cooked pasta for darwin's evil mom. excuse the word but we're not really on good footing right now. i just plane hate the girl's attitude! i don't wanna ruin my night with thoughts of her. moreover, since we bought a PC last Friday, yep you heard that right, we mostly stayed in our room just uploading music and pics, and personalizing our stuffs.
lazy monday so far. i got some left over of the pasta i cooked yesterday, and that's mine and kalay's lunch later.. usual stuffs in the office, finished with my open cases report, updated my personal and office emails. my music playlists is starting to bore me. i will try to find another website where i can download free music later. to liven up and spice up the songs. hope i can find something later.. gotta go my bladder is about to erupt...

just editing my post....
i was inspired by kalay's sassy quotation so i have decided to have my own. i will call it....

...::and the saying goes:...
"We know nothing of tomorrow, our business is to be good and happy today. -Sydney Smith"

stack rank

just finished checking mails. and the tracker report. the stack rank for june was rolled out, and my good friend calay was the #1 agent of b2b!! hooraahhh!!! :)) good for her. this goes for another cup of coffee..
firday d'13th tomorrow, and all that spooky story behind it. well at least i got a gold stack for last month.
some good news for last month that i almost forgot. i gotta raise for my salary and we were given extra allowance for being transferred to tier 2. it was actually long overdue. blessings still. should still be thankful nevertheless.
darwin, and some of our old colleagues will have a gimmick tomorrow night. too bad for me my leave was not approved. =(
just listening to music right now, waiting for a call to come in. survivor by destiny's child.
kinda sleepy still. my body felt tired and weary. i went to the gym this morning, btw. what's so funny was that i was so sleepy i could barely lift a 20 pound dumbel!
i guess this is it for now...

mid-week

just lazing around here in the office. things are mellow at this point. me and kalay is listening to confessions remix. so slow...nothing much going on right now.finished doing the open cases tracker report. friday i'll be on leave so tomorrow will be my last day at the office for this week. need to check my QA score for last week, btw.
"i'm giving you everything, all the joy can bring.... say you'll be there..." spice girls crooning in the background. speaking of spice girls, i happened to stumble upon ONE TREE HILL the other day when i was late. the episode was about graduation, parting apart. all the girl casts sung WANNA BE. t'was fun!! reminds me to watch ONE TREE HILl again. a trip to the dvd central is needed this weekend to update my couch habits.
and so day will go round and round again....

wet tuesday

shit happens all the time. it is a proven fact. so when i was about to left my house, this shit crossed my path..and why that time of all time when i was running late for work, you asked... the timing baffles me as well. so this torrential rain poured down hard. and t'was really HARD!
it got me stranded for 1 hour! the good side was that me and my partner were able to cuddle amidst the pouring rain. kept me warm despite the fact that i was more than 1 hr late! shit happens i know, and so does unexpected mushiness.

after the storm has passed

nothing much.. weekend just passed. and me and darwin mainly just spent time at home. we watched dvd, alias. we also went to my folks place last sunday. things are flowing smoothly now. i can feel the love that he has for me. it makes me feel safe now and warm. that tingly sensation of being with someone who knows you inside out is back again. i used to think it was gone--well, maybe for a moment--or maybe it just fleeted on my end. but now i know. this old comfortable feeling is what i have been needing. i was just a li'l insecure about myself. and a li'l pissed off with his mom for a reason not really related to our relationship. anyway, what i have learned is that we are the only one who can really work out our relationship. arguing is the spice of it. what makes it more sweet.
and our usual stuff every Sunday night..drink a couple of beer. do some cuddling..some talk about how our week was. and the days ahead. then some kissing...and some...hehehe..
and now, it's work week again..i really hate mondays...much has been said..that's it for now...

Coyote Ugly

i've had already quite a few number of blogs, hope i can maintain this one...

a couple of years back, there was this movie, coyote ugly. when asked what does it mean, one of the supporting character said that it was the feeling that you go thru the morning after you had a one night stand.. a feeling that i have been meaning, wanting to feel for quite some time now...

i am currently in this five-year relationship that for a while i felt was going nowhere. there was this fleeting, lingering feeling in me wanting more... something...someone..
this relationship is my first (and so far my only). my partner have had quite a few number of flings in the past. let's just say that he was able to play around the field, before fin'ly deciding to settle down with me. me on the other hand was so adamant and so wanting to be able to play on that field. can't say been there done that...
so as crazy as it sounded, i decided to take a peek into that field. i was not expecting for any spark, or immediate connection. it was actually more on sex. the mere fact that for as long as i can remember, i would have sex with someone else aside from my partner excited me.
the idea of doing something illegal, something that was uncalled for thrilled me. i was bold doing something i have never done before. it was liberating, exhillirating, frightening, exciting, arousing, nerve-wrenching--did i mention arousing?--oh yes, all rollled into one. and the mere fact that he is good looking did not hurt either..

so there goes...oops fin'ly i did it...
but in the middle of the dirty deed, the excitement was gone. replaced by this fucking G...yep, it was GUILT.... the world would better off without it as what Jessica Wakefield used to say..
the moment was so HOT, burning even, but the big G, was like a splash of cold, freezing water. right there and then, i stopped. torn, stricken, feeling so ashamed and dirty... my fuck buddy suddenly said what's the matter? i just didn't answer right on the spot. just said sorry. then i got dressed and fled off the room without so much as a backward glance. he followed me still asking if he did something wrong.. of course, given the benefit of the doubt he must've been concerned for i don't know the place..or the fact that we were in the middle of playing fire must have left him hanging, craving for more..
i dared myself not to cry in front of him. he must have guessed, he just said, "..is it because of your boyfriend?" damn right he was!! was i ever that transparent??? i owe him an explanation so I just texted him what's goin' on. for the drama of it, he did not bother to reply. so i guess he just felt dumped and left HANGING, not reaching the BIG OH...
i did not cry.. i willed myself not to.. i wanted the experience. i asked for the feeling.. now i got it.. finally...i will be able to say, been there, almost done it...
something that i will forever hide from my partner. it was something that only I looked and searched for...
i took a bath.. i cleansed myself. physically that was easy...deep inside, the dirt will still be there. it will now be a scar, a spot in our relationship..
it took 3 hrs of carelessness for me to realize that LOVE is far deeper than LUST. i was only looking for divertion...another phase in our relationship...
now i know the feeling.. coyote ugly... i felt much worse.. uglier... never liked that feeling...
i am staying. it felt good to be back to that old comfortable feeling... with someone i love, and loves me even more... Ü