This part is more work-related. With everything that’s going in the office, I feel I am not going anywhere. 3 yrs and here I am, still stuck in specialist level—with the consolation of promoted to tier 2 and seniority.
As I said from previous post, what prevents me from resigning is the worldwide economic turmoil. Recession is everywhere, and people say that I should be mighty thankful that I have a job. Not to sound ungrateful but I really am thankful to be employed. I mean my salary’s not bad. Plus the workload here in my department is just “no pressure.” To say that it’s piece of cake would be an understatement! Heck, I could even blogged and update my sites at work…
But this is not what irk me. With this no-pressure feeling I feel more stagnant. BORED with a capital B!
“Sometimes, the quickest way to get things done is to stick to established ways of proceeding. However if we do this more often, we may be stunting our growth as a person. There are time when we have to make room errors. Mistakes are opportunities for us to learn and important and unforgettable lessons.”
Ok, this really got me thinking into moving on. What’s stopping me? It’s my duty as a bread winner. I can’t afford to be unemployed. With all the credit card bills, home loans, salary loans, having no job is a big NO-NO! And contemplating, debating on this matter consumes all my mental energy for the past few days (aside from Darwin’s case). Thoughts of what’s waiting for me out there should I leave kills most of my time. Time which could have been spent on other (probably) more productive things.
One more thing is that I am the type of person who’s afraid to throw cushion in the wind. I’m afraid of change. With change comes adjustment, adapting….
“Change can be a very daunting experience. Letting go of established ways may lead to a (very) deep sense of insecurity. But change is a necessary part of our growth as a person. We will endure if we strive to adhere to our core values while trusting that our God will help us take care of the other details…”
But I know I have to make this change. The change which is not mainly for me but for the people who depend on me. I have to take the risk, for benefits-wise what I am getting in IBM is ONLY enough to suffice my needs (and some luxury every now and then), but not for my parents. This is a motivating factor because at this point I’m done taking care of myself (maybe not 100%)—basically my needs and wants. I need a company that extends its benefits to my folks.
I know I am stressing myself too much on this matter--can’t help. It’s hard if people have created a picture of you as the responsible, dependable type. It’s actually a mold I have created for myself that it’s so hard for me to get out of. But the pressure is too much to bear. I remembered one time I texted my friend if he knows some shrink for I want a reality check if I am going crazy. ‘cuz there was a time last year when my daily average sleep ranges for 2-4 hrs only! YAY, twas really so scary! What my friend told me is to unload to God, talk to Him, and my burden will be enlightened…
“With all the stuff that needs to be done, we may feel too guilty to take some time to rest and relax. However, our Lord reminds us that we have to take care of ourselves too. Our being burnt-out will not benefit anyone. We can serve better those who are in need if our lives are healthy and in order…”
And coming from Master Shifu (Kung Fu Panda)…
“Still bothered by what happened yesterday? Sit down and relax. Gather yourself. No matter how bad yesterday was, it now belongs to the past. Don’t let it stop you from pursuing the many possibilities of today. Today is a gift you can unwrap and share with all. That’s why it’s called PRESENT…”
And tomorrow will still be a mystery…
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