brand new

time flies by so fast...just imagine two more months and it's bye-bye time to 2007. octoberfest time. darwin's bday is fast approaching--well basically it's this weekend. and what a great way to start the first day of the week, and the month, than good news.
i'm working in IBM for 2 years now. and i was not expecting (of course i'm hoping) that i'll be a senior ccs. but the news was out today, and i was so shocked to have my name listed as one of the few agents who were promoted to seniority. of course i'm happy, because i have been waiting for this moment..with promotion comes salary increase...hehehe.. there goes another factor to celebrate my seniority. Ü
btw, we went shopping last weekend and i was able to buy this really cool shoes from addidas for 60% off!! my aunt was buried last saturday, and we also remember the 40th day of death of darwin's gramps.
it's raining so much now. without web access, the next best thing to do is doze off... **yawn**

sleepless over the weekend

three weekends and it's fast becoming a habit that i barely sleep during saturday off.. well the difference last weekend was that i started the weekend habit fairly early...
thursday, me and darwin had an argument over me not prepairing his breakfast. we got into a pretty petty fight that even involved some physicall "activity". we went into sleep hating each other so i did not really sleep at all. well, maybe an hour or two..then came friday, we had our interview for the ijp trainer position i applied for. so after shift i stayed at the office till noon. the interview should have started 10am but it started late--as usual. luckily i got the second spot so by noon my interview was over. i had caramel macchiato prior to my interview so sleep escaped me. caffeine + anxiety was proven not to be a good combo because it got me lying in bed till night. as if i did not have a shift that night! i was planning not to go to work altogether. no sleep, then darwin and made up, and we ended up making love (hehehe!!! Ü) so i ended up completely drained.
good thing for energy drink...
saturday morning after shift you'd think that i would have rushed home to be with my pillows and comforter... but no!! we ended up going to macy over in cavite. i was finally able to get a 4-hr nap (or sleep) at around 4pm. soc cooked this really creamy mushroom carbonara. soc and macy are amongst one of our good friends from our old company, svi connect.
i woke up at 7pm and we had a drink, vodka--GOD i missed liqour! haha!! i was hospitalized for 1 month...
twas a hectic weekend cuz came sunday and i went to my aunt's wake. she the sis of my mom who died of complications brought about by pneumonia. her burial is this coming saturday, so i'm planning to take a bearevement leave if ibm will allow me this friday.
that's a wrap!!


...::and the saying goes::...

It is a funny thing about life: If you refuse to accept anything but the
best you very often get it. -Somerset Maugham

just dropping by

nothing much going on in my life nowadays. so far it's been smooth sailing after i was hospitalized. though i am still bracing myself for some unexpected turn around. anyway, it's been great so far.. i finished bloxorz, i was able to complete all 33 stages.
we also finished season 1 & 2 of alias. we mostly have a dvd marathon every weekend. oh, last sunday we went to dinner at mario's kitchen. reyn invited us for a treat but it turned out that lust speak louder than gastronomic hunger so he ditched us. me, flora, jo, and darwin ended up having dinner ourselves. first time at that resto but it was quite ok. we tried the baked oysters in cream chess.. yum-yum. also had some drink to capped off the weekend.


i just recieved some bad news this afternoon. my aunt died. so darwin and i will go there over the weekend, sunday most probably.
may her soul rest in peace now. she have had enough of this world's cruelty. i know she knows that i love her...she will never be forgotten.

..::and the saying goes::...

it's not just the happiness you feel when you meet them,
but it's the pain you feel when you miss them that makes some people
dearest..

gaming

right now i'm in stage 27... haha! this is a game i'm so crazed about that blogging is kinda forgotten... it's called bloxorz--beats the hell outta me on how to pronounce it!
anyway, it's actually a puzzle game that will really have your mind working. it's keeping my mind off for the meantime away from some bugging and irritating reality of life. darwin's attitude is rubbing in on me, and i am not happy about it. i wanted to act nonchalant, just shrugged it off but it's annoying most of the time..i don't wanna think of my relationship right now.
what my focus at is to get out of stage 27 'cuz i'm just 6 stages away of completing this game! wich me luck....

Bloxorz Get the block to fall into the square hole.

Play this free game now!!

...::and the saying goes:..

There are two kinds of people: those who do the work, and those who take
the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.

-Indira Gandhi

well, for once i want to be on the second group....

healing after tragedy

i am not really in the mood to blog today, but as i was browsing thru my email, i got this inspiring message, something that i can relate to--especially after what happened to me last month..
the article was about healing after a traumatic experience that the author have had. it was actually about the 9/11 attack, entitled 9 Ways to Heal After Tragedy. the author was Leslie Haskin, and she actually wrote a book about it, titled "HELD"... here goes the steps:

**get out of bed > recovery means rebuilding trust..it's a lot easier to be who you are and to start from where you are..travel this road at your own pace..you will laugh again, dance again, and feel joy again...
**find a safe place in your mind > envision a safe place in your mind that you can run away to when reliving the event gets to be too hard...scaping to that place will help you to breathe through the pain and open you up for God's healing touch...
**be honest about what you remember > it's difficult to keep all the facts in some understandable order because our mind has a tendency to skip from one thing to another.it's important not to suppress the feelings or the events..wrote down everything..writing it all down was the most terrifying thing..
**find a soothing sound that helps you relax > taking some time to relax or meditate after journaling is very important..it will help you to breathe and hear what God is saying to you about what you have written..to aid your relaxation, play a soothing tape or CD, close your eyes, and just listen..
**validate the impact of the trauma > it's important to your healing that you don't downplay the impact that the event or trauma has had on your life and your emotions..acknowledge it..don't hide behind God in a pretense of faith..there are wounds that only you and God know about, and it's time to let Him see them so that He can repair in you what is broken, making you softer to the touch..you can trust Him...
**be open and honest with god > trust Him with your thoughts and the full range of your emotions..this should be a "no holds barred" conversation..God has given you the right and the permission to be honest with Him..He doesn't punish us for telling the truth..
**make God real for you > the idea here is to acknowledge God's power and who He is..first, envision what God might look like to you..then identify a place in your home for you to meet Him and set a place for two..set aside a time every day and meet Him in that place..pull up a chair and read your journal to Him..the reason for doing this is to deepen your connection by making God more than an intangible...
**SURROUND YOURSELF WITH LOVING, PATIENT FRIENDS > you will noticed that i typed the title of this step in big, bold letters. because during the whole hospital ordeal, i was mighty thankful that i have friends like flora and tina who gave me strenght and the will to overcome the test i was in. i may not have darwin at one point of that hospital thingy, but i have my friends who supported and guided me. as what Leslie says, "there are no words to express the value of their friendship during that time.."
moreso on her writing:

Healing is not the same as recovery. Recovery is medically
defined, but healing addresses the restoration of wholeness to heart, mind, and
soul. Recovery is about temporal living, and healing is about the everlasting.

**spend time alone with the beloved > the idea is to keep things simple and to begin them soon..every great goal must be reduced to smaller intermediate goals, which I like to think of as steps..in this journey, we take one step at a time until we reach our final destination..getting there requires going one day at a time and having time alone with God..
i'd like to think that perhaps the reason why is stayed longer in the hospital was because i never got the chance to be alone with darwin. i was badly needing to spend some time alone with him so i can cuddle, feel his loving presence, and that comfy feeling that he always give me whenever i am embraced by his strong arms. i have been with God thru all that ordeal, i am sure about that...

what i really liked about all this is how Leslie differentiate healing and recovery. what i went thru was mainly recovery, i got closer to God the time i was in the hospital but i know that i was not completely healed yet. the times i cried at night when i woke up with all those needles connected to my vein, i talked to God. sometimes i told him i hate the world, oftentimes i thank Him as well for letting me still lived. it was an experience that helped me in more ways than one. health is wealth, yeah, i know that. but what i got was more than physical health; it's something more of wealth of the spirit...

...::and the saying goes::...

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.-Carl Bard"

reminiscing the weekend

got a new phone!

we were scouring for this last saturday with my office friends, and gygie--my girl friend--at megamall that we technically spent the whole day at the mall canvassing. the price range we're all the same, with some stores' offer on the side that varied. but the main thing was they were all unsatisfactory. we ended up singing our hearts out at WOF. apple belted time and tide, and be-ee-e-tter days..we had a blast that we never entertained the thought of sleeping.. me and darwin ended up going to robinson's manila, where my friend bought her phone as well. to sum up my saturday, i spent more than 24 waking hrs just for that elusive phone. haha!! and to think that i just got out of the hospital... wait till my mom hears this..

then sunday we went to sucat to visit the folks. my dog missed me so much that he was crying and wagging his tail so hard. the moment we arrived, he ran towards me and immediately bit my arms, and my palms. the dog won't let go! it was really funny, how the big animal expressed his joy of seeing me again without saying a word. (of course he's a dog, you'd say..). we'd spent lunch with the folks. mom cooked chop-suey, and grilled pork chops.. yumm-mmy!! we left early though, around 430pm, 'cuz we planned of dropping by baclaran church. we attended a mass. afterwards, we would have had dinner at seafood islands market market but my friend had this eyeball thingy that he can't get out of. uhmmm.... talked about lust speaking...

we went to grocery to buy some stuffs, and darwin and i decided to watch alias while drinking some bottles of beer. we used my new phones, and man, the pics were great. no nude photos...not yet, i guess.. hehehe.. god i missed having a mobile phone this good!! and it was really a good phone!! 3.2 MP camera, radio, music player, video recording, internet... the camera was the main factor why i decided to buy this phone...

and after the booze session, i won't tell... it's up to you to guess...hahaha!!

i missed this:

...::and the saying goes::...

"In pursuit of happiness, the difficulty lies in knowing when you have caught
up. -R.H. Grenville "

fuming

i just had been to a really INFURIATING call!! x(
imagine spending an hour on the phone for just one customer, fuck, that was something! as if the line of business is not stressful enough, the customer that i got brought it to the limit! he was asking me to do something that is way beyond my call!! meaning he wanted me to do the impossible! God, he really ruined my mood i was setting since weekend is coming up.

breathe in..breathe out... sigh..

mother***ing asshole!!!!!!!! that customer should rot in hell.. and as of press time, the same customer is still on the phone with my supervisor!!! talk about being an insistent jerk.

one more thing that pissed us off, all of our web access priviledges have already been disabled. so for almost 6 hours now, we were just staring at our computer reading company and policy update...duh...boring with a capital B!! even the playlists i have in my computer is starting to wear me off..the access that i have right now is just a taboo....

when will this night end!!!!!!!! leme outta here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BIG gay don't cry...

only a real diamond can scratch another diamond. a precious stone that can be harnessed by undergoing thru extreme fire... after what i--we--have been thru i never thought we'll still be together. with the struggles, the need to survive last month, i am mighty thankful that we survived the test.
i can say that what happened last month would really count as the ultimate test in our relationship. we have been thru a third-party thing beginning of 2006. family complications on both of our ends. we have been thru almost everything, from small non-trivial things, to big issues that nearly broke us.
but the incidents last august was near-death. and there was an actual death. darwin's gramps passed away. the man was the one who took care of him when he was a child. he was a great one. and i know how devastated darwin was. plus him taking care of me at the hospital. at that point i saw how strong he is. he always seems strong, carefree, nonchalant, but i know deep inside that he is weak. his physical stance is only a facade. a pretention of what really lies deep within him. honestly even if we are living together for more than five years now, there are times that i feel i hardly even know him. he's just so good in hiding, concealing his emotions. especially if he's sad or hurt, you will have a hard time telling what's going on inside of him. i know he don't want people to think that he's weak. bottom part is that darwin's not the emotional type.
me being bed-ridden while darwin was going thru the lowest time of his life made me feel so pathetic. those were the times that i know he needed me the most. but he explained to me that what matter was my fast recovery. he even texted me "pagaling ka na...i need you..." something that made me feel his love for me.
at one point in my confinement, when the doctors were having a hard time figuring out my ailment, i was so frustrated and i feel so out-of-sort. that was when i asked darwin some space. not because i wanted to let him go, but because i did not want him to see me in pain..for a very selfish reason i said to him that he's the one that makes me sick. which if he would have agreed to give me that space, would have been the biggest regret of my life..
i was so overwhelmed and flabbergasted with how much darwin understood me during those time. i asked him to go, but he still stood by my side. everytime i would hear the song BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY i would burst into tears..

"i hope you know that this has nothing to do with
you...it's personal, myself, and i...we got some straightening out to do...and
i'm gonna miss you...cuz i've got to get it a move on with my life...it's time
to be a big girl now...and big girls don't cry..."

confinement

it has been like, say, almost a month since my last post. thank GOD i was even given the chance to write on my blog again. first week of august i was sick, and i vowed never will i be admitted to a hospital. the sterile room i was soo dreading i finally got to experience...
august for me is really my most unlucky. i can still recall last year the same month, i also had some tummy ailment thingy..now this time, misfortune strucked me twice. after my amoebiasis, and after i was able to go to work for a week, i was back in sicklandia..
august 12 while i was at work, i was suddenly chilling uncontrollably. i went to the clinic, and after the chills were gone, then came the fever. and on it went till i got home. then on the afternoon of august 14th, with some pushing from some friends, i finally let myself be admitted to the hospital. darwin's mom accompanied me to mla doctor's. my fever was running from 38-39, they immediately inserted IV fluids, and i was initially tested for dengue but it turned out negative.. they were willing to send me home but darwin's mom refused to and demanded that i was admitted.
good thing for HMO cards, and i was checked in to a private de luxe room. the moment i was so dreading all my life was finally happening. i wanted to cry, to scream, to tell myself that it was all but a bad dream, but the pain of the needle inserted in my vein told me otherwise.. they ran some tests on me. they extracted blood like every hour. tested my urine. xray-ed my face and my head. checked my temperature and blood pressure every hour, and despite of it all my fever was still incessant. add to the fact that my head was aching and pounding like hell. i never felt pain that real in my whole life. after three days, my left arm was already swollen. the vein where the dextrose was inserted gave in..the pain was excruciating, especially when they injected the medicine for fever and the antibiotic. it did not end there, because they had to inject another needle of the dextrose to my right arm.. damn right it was killing me. and the fact that they were having a hard time finding my vein, did not help either..
the third day, they were able to diagnosed pansinusitis as the major factor that triggered my humunguous headache and fever..but even the doctors were dubious because for a fever to be running 39-40 it could not be caused just by sinusitis. so they extracted blood again and have it tested. this was my fourth day at the hospital and i was starting to lose my cool and patience. thank god after the blood test that time, they were able to find what was causing my discomfort, and VOILA! it was typhoid.
the test kept coming and there was one instance that my fever shot up to 41! at that point, i really wept, and i prayed to God, i told Him i rest everything to Him at that point. i asked forgiveness for all the sins i did, people i have wronged. i thanked Him for basically everything..i was all ready for whatever things that could have happened to me at that moment.. darwin was partying with his officemates while i was suffering thru the whole ordeal.
my friends were very supportive and caring to me, and i was very flattered and touched for that. for once in my life i felt important. loved. cared for... i feel the pressure on darwin as well. i know that he was in pain too.. i mean, at one point of my confinement we had a confrontation. he admitted that he could not take good care of me the way i take care of him. he told me that it pained him everytime a needle would be injected in me. if he can be the one to take the pain of all those needles being injected on me he would...
this experience was something that will really mark a very important spot in our relationship. it made us realize the importance of each other. that we need each other. what we have goes far beyond love.. it's comforting. it's completing...

busy with sidney

i'm not really in the mood to write down something today. i'm engrossed with this novel from shieldon entitled "the stars shine down"..nothing much happened today. i cooked tuna con seafood pesto for me and kalay.

...:and the saying goes::...

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some
blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow
is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

a week's worth

it's already august!! the last time i posted here was a month ago--well, technically since it was last july 30th. so many things happened to me last week. some were almost near death.
yup, part of that was the installation of my broadband service. it's a connection to the whole wide world but my PC is acting ever so slowly.. i could not even log-in to this site for whatever reason that baffles me. it could also be somehow a good side, since there are some posts here that is very personal to me, that i don't want darwin to know. this blog is very me...
my last post was monday, and that was when my tummy started churning. i thought it was only a simple case of bad gas. but when i got home that's when my tummy acted really, really bad..it made matter worst when i started taking out shit like every 30 minutes! A BIG UGH i would agree. then it became downright scary when there were some traces of blood on my shit. and i was all alone by myself 'cuz darwin could not take a leave. i texted my mom, and she was sick worried that she even wanted to go to our place just to take care of me in the middle of the night. acting the brave part, i prentended that i was fine, and that there was nothing serious going on. of course i don't want them to worry. so i was all ALONE and i have to take care of myself. i really felt pathetic. and helpless.. darwin's sister was also hit by the ailment. i was ready to check myself into a hospital but i was damn scared as well. never been to that place. and i planned on not going there. i dunno, the thought of that white sterile place just seemed eery, and spooky to me.. deathly even.
by wednesday, i fin'ly decided to consult a doctor. and i was diagnosed of having ameobiasis. the cost of the med killed me, thank god for my ever reliable friends namely visa and mastercard. but what killed me more was that there were so many foods that i was not allowed to eat. yep, even milk. or yogurt. or chocolate. my bed was the best place in the world all those times. every inch of my body felt so weak. like every limb was disconnected. i was a living spaghetti.
the best part of that week was friday when i was called and informed that my loan was approved. ok not really good since it's debt again. but that was the help we're needing to settle and close 3 of our credit cards. we just have a handful of them that keeping them all is such a big pain in the neck. almost half of our salary just go to credit card payments.
so by saturday we went to the bank to pay off the balances of our three cards. and reyn also invited us to mega to meet someone. darwin and i also have our massage and it was really so soothing and refreshing. i got this salt scrub package that included an hour whole body massage! after that i was sooo light and my skin felt so supple. and i feel so sexy. and i wanted to for us to make love. but fuck, i was still sick so it could not be.
i thought everything was alright but when we got home there were just uncontrollable factors that made us argue. same undying reasons, his family and his evil step-brother. it really pisses me off everytime he will defend that kid. i am not a wicked partner, i don't really loathe the kid for all he's worth. i just don't like his attitude for money. and most importantly i hate his mother! ok i maybe harsh for the hating them. alright i just downright dislike ONLY the mother.
then last sunday i passed by the church to say a little prayer of thanks for surviving that whole shitty ordeal. what scared me was that in my little solemn prayer, i suddenly blurted out "i think i am falling out of love with darwin..." i was in a church so forgive me if i was lying. but that was the only time that i could never be much more true.. maybe the thought was brought out due to the fact that we have had an argument the night before. sometimes i admit our relationship is fast becoming more routinary. one moment we have this heated argument, and the next we will make out like there's no tomorrow, and we'll end sharing one intense passion. part of the relationship and all that as they say. mainly what makes me drawn out of him sometime is his family. tis a whole lotta complications goin' on there, that figuring it out tires me. and i know deep down inside that they are is utmost priority. so when things, say got worst between us, i know without any doubt that i will be left in the dirt...
this is something that competing won't do any good. i have learned all of that in the course of our near 6-yr relationship.. i made my choice before when i made him my priority over my family. i cannot turn back time. though i sometime wish i could. he has his prioirity, and i have grown and accept that. this is what makes our relationship much more complicated than any not-so-normal third sex relationship. and somehow, it makes me understand myself more.. makes me see my capabilities when it comes to handling a relationship even more.
all's been said and done for now. i was able to go back to work yesterday. there's an incessant downpour going on the metro due to some tropical depression thingy. it's raining men, and floods are everywhere..and i got a taste of that this morning when i came barging into the flooded streets of paco 'cuz i don't have any other choice..

i missed my daily quiz-galore:

PERSONALITY PROFILE

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/worldsshortestpersonalitytest/">The World's Shortest Personality Test

...::and the saying goes:...
Be yourself. No one can ever tell you you're doing it wrong. -James Leo Herlihy

monday flashback

mostly for the weekend, darwin and i just stayed home. except for sunday night 'cuz i needed to have my hair cut..we bought a dvd, piolo pascual collection..there was one movie entitled "DON'T GIVE UP ON US.." that i really could relate to. not about the 4th of july fiasco, but more with what happened to me and darwin. technically before we became a couple, we were like best friends since 1st yr high. then on the night of dec 28th, the "thing" happened. i was so shocked that time that i was avoiding him like the plague. and i intended actually to go father away from him. i planned never to let the "thing" happened again. in short, it was mainly a one-nighter. something that opened up a whole lotta meaning in me. but it was so hard. i was physically drawn to him at that time. for the fact that i feel not secure about myself, and he was a refuge that made me feel better.. then it dragged on for months. we mainly were just plainly having sex. physical relationship.. until the thing called love came butting in, messing the whole picture. as what our theme songs says, "it came over me in a rush, when i realize that i love you so much.." it was really so rush that it both scared and overwhelmed me. and him as well..so in our picture, i was more the piolo and he was played more of the juday part. i fall really hard, and he avoided me for a while afraid to return the feeling as well.

my heart really went out to piolo on that film 'cuz he was so brave to voice out his feeling to her, but to be immediately dumped because the other party was so afraid to give in as well..

i will have to continue this, my tummy is churning yet again.. :(

reminiscing

last friday, we went to a movie with some high school friends. it was actually a treat which made the gimmick even better. it was some horror flick about some vengeful, restless spirits, grudges and moving on in the spiritual plane. it was not that scary. very common theme. more on the screaming factors, and the fact that you were with friends, just to scare each other..
then after the movie, the real fun started. reyn, a high school friend brought his car, so after glorietta, he just drove around and we headed to the fort. but due to limited budget, no salary credit yet for most of us 'cuz it was only the 27th, we tried finding other place. we cruised c5, then went to metrowalk, but it started raining so we did not get out of the car, and we headed to libis. the rain was still so insesant so reyn just kept on driving. it was actually so liberating! cruising around town in the dead of the night, radio was just playing soft music amidst the heavy downpour while we continued laughing and reminiscing, remembering the good ol' high school days.. and we ended up in wendy's near timog. along quezon ave. we just had some iced tea and frosty. . we took it out, and just consumed in the car. the air was so cool and crisp. the perfect backdrop for looking back and planning ahead..
we went home around 3am, feeling lightheaded not from sleepyness but from driving down memory lane.

as for my daily quiz:

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life. But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it.Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career.Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howhappyareyoureallyquiz/">How Happy Are You, Really?

...::and the saying goes::...
"Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine." -Buddha

fave song

i was browsing thru the web, and i happen to stumble upon this song. it is something that really makes me inspired and strong. the song is by none other than mariah carey, entitled can't take that away... and it has a downloadable link that i can save right her in my blog.

Mariah Carey - the...

as for my daily quiz, since this is about soul-searching, i got this:

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

no "as the saying goes" for today since my post says it all... :)

sleepless wednesday

where will i start? this is mostly a lousy day. i was not able to go to the gym (which lately happens a lot--again the schedule i have set was not being religiously followed), i was not able to get a full good sleep (had to wake up every now and then), then darwin could not sleep so turned out i woke up early, around 330pm. believe me, my head is aching right now.
and to make things worst, i was late. the reason was not because i left the house late. i went to glorietta so me and kalay will have some food for tonight's shift. it did not cross my mind that the loading/unloading zone would still be in effect, since it was already past 7pm. as a result, i walked from glorietta 3 to makati atrium!! and i was so sweaty! and smelly! and panting! and RUNNING late!! major argh!!!
this morning, btw, hsbc sent me my credit report, and i got an A+. so they were offering me a special loan for being a good customer. heck, just another marketing churva to bury me deep into more debts! :) anyway, i may take advantage of that 'cuz we really need to close at 3-4 cards.
here at work, calls are kinda many. so far i had 12, which is somewhat Q-ing. i'm saving some energy for i have to go to the gym later. i have to, make that NEED to! even if i have to drag my fat ass there.. hahaha!!!

**quiz whiz:
--just to lighten things up, i came across this name-thingy quiz....
MEGANAME

GELMARK MACEDA GEROLA's Aliases

Your movie star name: PIZZA CONSTANTINO Your fashion designer name is GELMARK MILAN Your socialite name is IMACK IBIZA Your fly girl / guy name is G GER Your detective name is DOG ROXAS Your barfly name is COOKIES VODKA Your soap opera name is MACEDA GOMEZ Your rock star name is KISSES TORNADO Your Star Wars name is GELoco GERfra Your punk rock band name is The SLEEPY DUST PAN

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/meganamegenerator/">The Amazing Meganame Generator

...::and the saying goes::....
"the only people that you need in your life are the ones who prove that they you in theirs..."

moved

i was just sooo out of sort yesterday that i was not able to post something. the moving of station really pissed me off because someone stole my CPU!! i mean all of my important files are there! Big ARGGGGHHHH!!!! i was mainly answering some survey thingy from blogthings.com
i was also feeling disoriented yesterday. so many scattered thoughts that kept on lingering. first there was this blood thingy on my behind after our post-love making session. darwin was just so into me during the sacking session that i did not feel the pain as well. just come to think of the passion and love going on in there. but i felt the pain when i was discharging.. second, i did not CUM during our love making. crazy as it sounded, he came first and that's it. he did not even bother helping me. it was wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am moment. which really irked me. it happend not only once but a couple of times now. there may be something wrong with my sex drive, but the moment that he will CUM, more often than not, he will just leaveme hanging there to finish the deed myself. better for me to jack off, do it all by myself. the issue here is just not sex. it's about satisfying your partner. love is something good if shared better. i know i just felt somewhat left hanging and i kinda blow it big---out of proportions. but i know that what i'm feeling last night was also valid. anyway he already apologized. his text went like this:

i'm sorry, baby, if i'm hurting you physically and emotionally. did not mean to do it always..next time i'll be careful. i love you!

...::and the saying goes::....
"measuring life what others do to us may disappoint us. but measuring life what we do for others will add more meaning to our life.."

and for my daily quiz:
HOW STRESSED R U?

Your Stress Level is: 67%

You are prone to stress, and you're probably even pretty stressed right now. Life's problems seem to pile up on you, and this often makes you feel depressed and burned out. Learn to take time to relax and enjoy life, even if things are stressful. It's the only wa you'll get through the bad times.

How Stressed Are You?

My Life Rating

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn't totally scandalous, but you definitely don't shy away from adult themes!

What is Your Life Rated?

monsterized!!

Your Monster Profile

Creepy Child You Feast On: Starbucks You Lurk Around In: The Empire State Building You Especially Like to Torment: Blondes

What's Your Monster Name?

a cup of coffee

White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino

One of a kind and forward looking, you're the first to introduce a wacky new trend to your friends. And even if your ideas seem weird, they get adopted pretty quickly.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatflavorfrappuccinoareyouquiz/">What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

**since we do coffee talk every weekend to catch up with our lives in the office, our personal relationships, our two cents, and men-oh-men, so this is a very approriate quiz.. hehe.. suddenly i crave for an iced white choco mocha!! yummy.. the next big thing to caramel macchiato!!

Quizzes Galore...

i so envy you...

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 80% Sloth: 80% Greed: 60% Lust: 40% Pride: 40% Wrath: 20% Gluttony: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 46% You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.

How Sinful Are You?

actually my good friend calay was the one who uploaded the last 2 quizzes here in my blog. i have been very busy finding my lost CPU, that i am still kinda pissed. it's mid-shift already but the thought that i have to set up again, really threw me off. i will just update my blog tomorrow. i have this very upsetting thought right now with what's going on with my relationship. not really in the mood to write right now..very weak, and not feeling too good. sorry...
**this has been edited because the first time i took a test, there was no LUST in my being which is very, very unbelievable. even i, myself could not believe that!! LOL...

"this is it!!"

this morning would go down in history as one of the most nerve-wracking ever. wonder why? we had this draw lots of who would be transferred to other dep't. specifically CONREL or consumer relations. a not-so-good place. i mean compared to being a b2b agent, if i were the one who was picked, i (and kalay) as well would not enjoy the benefits of free internet access. and blogging for that matter. there were three (3) from us and two (2) from SC (another dep't with so much time to kill as well)... so as the names were announced, i swear i nearly had a heart attack. me and kalay were praying so hard. i was crossing every fingers imaginable. then the names were drawn, and that was the only time that i could breathe normally.
i am fully aware of the consequences if it were me who was picked. high volume of calls, irate customers, complicated cases, and irate and infuriated me. so i don't wanna be a hypocrite if i won't admit that i am happy i was not chosen. with the dep't i'm in right now none of those excruciating factors i would have to endure. plus the benefit of a great and groovy seatmate makes it even likeable..
as for other things, me and darwin went to work together 'cuz he swapped schedule. lrt was really bad, it made me rush. i was almost late for work. an incident really irked me while we were in the train. he has this habit of looking for things just when we have already left home. very irritating really 'cuz he will--if not most of the time--blame me if he can't find it. i mean it is a given fact that we're not the only people in the house. but he will always points his finger to me. even saying that i always blame the people in the house for lost things as well. can't blame myself even more because it is also a very known issue that he's siblings is always nosing his nose into our things. WHICH I REALLY HATE!! ever heard of privacy? the half-kid is only 9 yr old but i swear the mom could not discipline the li'l he-devil! makes me furious everytime darwin will defend the kid. i dunno, my blood just boil every instance he crossed my path.
anyway, weekend is up, and i don't intend to have some negative vibes consume me. later will have coffee talk again with the gang..catching up with love, life, lust (hehehe..Ü) and gen'rally our men...

Im a PornStar...

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Larry Loverod

What's Your Porn Star Name?

text twist

there's nothing much going on in my life right now. really.. just some text messages that i have come across this day that somehow makes some sense.

**7 TRUTHS TO REMEMBER
1. faith is the ability not to panic
2. if you worry, you didn't pray; if you pray, don't worry
3. God wants spiritual truths, not some religious nuts
4. LAUGH EVERYDAY, it's like inner jogging
5. growing old is INEVITABLE, growing up is OPTIONAL
6. silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted
7. there is no key to happiness, the door is always open...
>>from SOC

Other people's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
Those who follow the crowd usually get lostin it. I don't know the key to
success, but one key to failure is to please everyone. So why waste your
time thinking of what others will tell you? >>from RACHEL

**THOUGHTS TO PONDER ON**

1. make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present
2. what other people thinkof you is none of your business
3. time heals almost everything
4. no one is in charge of ur own happiness except you
5. don't compare your life to others, you don't have any idea what their
   journey is all about. >>from JAZZ

with these 3 txts, i liked the growing up thingy. very much like darwin. he is just so childish most of the time that i know he don't wanna grow old. but he's childishness is not the annoying type. you will even love him for that. yet he's mature enough to acknowledge he's responsibility and obligations. and also the comparing life to others factor is more like mine. i know that satisfaction is something that only one's self can achieve. my issue is more like self-confidence. little things make me insecure sometimes, especially something that somehow is related to our relationship. but i know that there's nothing to be insecure now because he assured me that should he opt out of our relationship, it will be when the time that he will have his own family...

slazzzy...

wednesday again, two more days and it'll be the weekend baby, time to have some fun..same stuffs at the office. we're just waiting for the draw lots for the unfortunate agents that will be transferred to CONREL. it is the escalation group for consumer dep't, unlike the dep't i'm in right now, B2B (business to business). honestly, i am a little scared because i have never been good with that draw lots thingy. never been lucky on that. and i love the dep't i am in right now. no pressure. no stress. no irate and screaming customers!! but as the saying goes, it's business, nothing personal. i am really crossing all fingers that can be crossed that i will not draw the unlucky stick.
we have another party on august 5th. the announcement was just rolled out today. we may or may not go, come what may...
so far lazy, lazy night. calay is not in a groove mood tonight. her back is aching. i advised her to consult a doctor tomorrow.
speaking of lazy, i am becoming a bummer for gym again. this morning was supposed to be my schedule to gym. but my fat ass dragged me down to bed. so much for my effort these past few days to reduce weight and get rid of my fat tummy.
just listening to music right now, munching some crackers. calay is also busy with her blog.. it will be another long night.... =)

...::and the saying goes::...
"Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world in the eye. -Helen Keller"

when it rains it pours

if my memory serves me right, it was also a tuesday a couple of days back when i got so pissed because it rained so hard while i was en route to office. talk about heavy downpour. and just this night, the incesant rain came again.
compared to last time, i was still inside the house when the rain poured. so darwin did not allow me to battle torrential rain. i was only late by 1 hr and 10 mins, beat that! haha!! grrrrrr...
this time the rain won. i was already in the jeep when the angry rain came pouring down. silly me i did not bring any rain gear, none for that matter even an umbrella-ella-ella..good ol' rihanna singing in my head, mocking me...
i was already pissed at that point. and to think that i had to make three more connecting trips via jeep, unbearable! and the rain just kept on coming. heavy, angry, incesant.. on my third trip, things got a little better. make that brighter. i was seated right next to a very good looking guy. and the fact that he smelled good made it even better. i texted my gurl-friend about the good news. amidst my shitty situation, he somewhat put a smile on my face. too bad for me i was not able to get his name.. at least i was compensated for the bad weather.

and here's another dose of some lines i have come across...

...::and the saying goes::...
"it's hard to be good from time to time, but what's even harder is to be good every day.."

yet another week

it's been a lazy week so far. me and darwin just stayed home last weekend. excpet for last saturday's meet-up with mommy myra. oh, before i forget, the highlight of the weekend was last saturday's dinner at BELINIS (hope i got the spelling right).
it was an authentic italian resto in the outskirts of cubao. there's no other branch of this resto so people will really go to this place for a taste of the sumptuous foods. it was really worth the trip. located at the back of the then-famous CDO, the place was warm and cozy though. the owner was right there serving the guests, and doing the checking on your food and order. i guess he's mr. belini. the food was really super. i liked the seafood pesto. very mouthwatering. i mean just thinking of it right now, makes me crave for it all over again. there was also this spaghetti in in just garlic, olive oil and chili sauce that at first look seemed bland, but when you have a taste of it, it was somewhat very unique. light and garlic-ky. (laughs!) what we ordered was a pasta platter, four kinds of pasta. the white-chili sauce, the seafood pesto, rigattoni (penne pasta) with eggplant (which darwin thought was mushroom!!), and the green one with spinach which was also very delectable.
then there was the pizza... we had magailo something. italian sausage and ham. it was home made, the dough was freshly baked and made!! and the price was not that bad.. going there was really worth the money and the trip. we are planning to take our high school friends as well. for sure they're gonna love the place and the food!
for sunday, i cooked pasta for darwin's evil mom. excuse the word but we're not really on good footing right now. i just plane hate the girl's attitude! i don't wanna ruin my night with thoughts of her. moreover, since we bought a PC last Friday, yep you heard that right, we mostly stayed in our room just uploading music and pics, and personalizing our stuffs.
lazy monday so far. i got some left over of the pasta i cooked yesterday, and that's mine and kalay's lunch later.. usual stuffs in the office, finished with my open cases report, updated my personal and office emails. my music playlists is starting to bore me. i will try to find another website where i can download free music later. to liven up and spice up the songs. hope i can find something later.. gotta go my bladder is about to erupt...

just editing my post....
i was inspired by kalay's sassy quotation so i have decided to have my own. i will call it....

...::and the saying goes:...
"We know nothing of tomorrow, our business is to be good and happy today. -Sydney Smith"

stack rank

just finished checking mails. and the tracker report. the stack rank for june was rolled out, and my good friend calay was the #1 agent of b2b!! hooraahhh!!! :)) good for her. this goes for another cup of coffee..
firday d'13th tomorrow, and all that spooky story behind it. well at least i got a gold stack for last month.
some good news for last month that i almost forgot. i gotta raise for my salary and we were given extra allowance for being transferred to tier 2. it was actually long overdue. blessings still. should still be thankful nevertheless.
darwin, and some of our old colleagues will have a gimmick tomorrow night. too bad for me my leave was not approved. =(
just listening to music right now, waiting for a call to come in. survivor by destiny's child.
kinda sleepy still. my body felt tired and weary. i went to the gym this morning, btw. what's so funny was that i was so sleepy i could barely lift a 20 pound dumbel!
i guess this is it for now...

mid-week

just lazing around here in the office. things are mellow at this point. me and kalay is listening to confessions remix. so slow...nothing much going on right now.finished doing the open cases tracker report. friday i'll be on leave so tomorrow will be my last day at the office for this week. need to check my QA score for last week, btw.
"i'm giving you everything, all the joy can bring.... say you'll be there..." spice girls crooning in the background. speaking of spice girls, i happened to stumble upon ONE TREE HILL the other day when i was late. the episode was about graduation, parting apart. all the girl casts sung WANNA BE. t'was fun!! reminds me to watch ONE TREE HILl again. a trip to the dvd central is needed this weekend to update my couch habits.
and so day will go round and round again....

wet tuesday

shit happens all the time. it is a proven fact. so when i was about to left my house, this shit crossed my path..and why that time of all time when i was running late for work, you asked... the timing baffles me as well. so this torrential rain poured down hard. and t'was really HARD!
it got me stranded for 1 hour! the good side was that me and my partner were able to cuddle amidst the pouring rain. kept me warm despite the fact that i was more than 1 hr late! shit happens i know, and so does unexpected mushiness.

after the storm has passed

nothing much.. weekend just passed. and me and darwin mainly just spent time at home. we watched dvd, alias. we also went to my folks place last sunday. things are flowing smoothly now. i can feel the love that he has for me. it makes me feel safe now and warm. that tingly sensation of being with someone who knows you inside out is back again. i used to think it was gone--well, maybe for a moment--or maybe it just fleeted on my end. but now i know. this old comfortable feeling is what i have been needing. i was just a li'l insecure about myself. and a li'l pissed off with his mom for a reason not really related to our relationship. anyway, what i have learned is that we are the only one who can really work out our relationship. arguing is the spice of it. what makes it more sweet.
and our usual stuff every Sunday night..drink a couple of beer. do some cuddling..some talk about how our week was. and the days ahead. then some kissing...and some...hehehe..
and now, it's work week again..i really hate mondays...much has been said..that's it for now...

Coyote Ugly

i've had already quite a few number of blogs, hope i can maintain this one...

a couple of years back, there was this movie, coyote ugly. when asked what does it mean, one of the supporting character said that it was the feeling that you go thru the morning after you had a one night stand.. a feeling that i have been meaning, wanting to feel for quite some time now...

i am currently in this five-year relationship that for a while i felt was going nowhere. there was this fleeting, lingering feeling in me wanting more... something...someone..
this relationship is my first (and so far my only). my partner have had quite a few number of flings in the past. let's just say that he was able to play around the field, before fin'ly deciding to settle down with me. me on the other hand was so adamant and so wanting to be able to play on that field. can't say been there done that...
so as crazy as it sounded, i decided to take a peek into that field. i was not expecting for any spark, or immediate connection. it was actually more on sex. the mere fact that for as long as i can remember, i would have sex with someone else aside from my partner excited me.
the idea of doing something illegal, something that was uncalled for thrilled me. i was bold doing something i have never done before. it was liberating, exhillirating, frightening, exciting, arousing, nerve-wrenching--did i mention arousing?--oh yes, all rollled into one. and the mere fact that he is good looking did not hurt either..

so there goes...oops fin'ly i did it...
but in the middle of the dirty deed, the excitement was gone. replaced by this fucking G...yep, it was GUILT.... the world would better off without it as what Jessica Wakefield used to say..
the moment was so HOT, burning even, but the big G, was like a splash of cold, freezing water. right there and then, i stopped. torn, stricken, feeling so ashamed and dirty... my fuck buddy suddenly said what's the matter? i just didn't answer right on the spot. just said sorry. then i got dressed and fled off the room without so much as a backward glance. he followed me still asking if he did something wrong.. of course, given the benefit of the doubt he must've been concerned for i don't know the place..or the fact that we were in the middle of playing fire must have left him hanging, craving for more..
i dared myself not to cry in front of him. he must have guessed, he just said, "..is it because of your boyfriend?" damn right he was!! was i ever that transparent??? i owe him an explanation so I just texted him what's goin' on. for the drama of it, he did not bother to reply. so i guess he just felt dumped and left HANGING, not reaching the BIG OH...
i did not cry.. i willed myself not to.. i wanted the experience. i asked for the feeling.. now i got it.. finally...i will be able to say, been there, almost done it...
something that i will forever hide from my partner. it was something that only I looked and searched for...
i took a bath.. i cleansed myself. physically that was easy...deep inside, the dirt will still be there. it will now be a scar, a spot in our relationship..
it took 3 hrs of carelessness for me to realize that LOVE is far deeper than LUST. i was only looking for divertion...another phase in our relationship...
now i know the feeling.. coyote ugly... i felt much worse.. uglier... never liked that feeling...
i am staying. it felt good to be back to that old comfortable feeling... with someone i love, and loves me even more... Ü